ive juz ended a relationship of 5 months.
my heart is juz not there, and i think we are better off apart.
there's no logical explanation to that. others wouldnt understand coz they dont know the whole thing, only parts of it. so y bother.
i feel stupid but relieved at the same time.
at this point of writing, i'm totally lost n clueless, but the die is already being cast, so there's no turning back.
there's no point of whining and complaining either.
ive been indecisive for quite long, so wuts with this sudden enlightenment?
its God's will. or maybe. i juz dont care anymore.
but still, i do love him so much. Hes the best ive ever had, a great person in a whole.
a trophy bf - i quote from others.
i have no doubts of his loyalty n devotion. damn i love him. but i'm juz not ready for a commitment.
and the fact i dont love enough, its so depressing.
ive tried my my very best to work things out but the fact that i love him not more than juz frens, its juz wont work.
i should have done this earlier, way earlier, but the thought of losing him is too unbearable.
i take him as my best fren, one very close fren. n i would kill myself before doin anything to hurt him
but being in a relationship is a 2-way thing. and i think its juz unfair to him.
this is ludicrous. i have no control over my feelings. one minute i regret it, then i was crying my heart out all over the place, n the next thing i know, i was happily watching Rugrats on Astro. n this vicious cycle has been happening over n over again.
hell i am tired
n eventually, i turned to God as my last resort, which shouldve been my 1st.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.
juz hope that i wont change my mind, this once and for all.
