Q & A

Q1 : do you 'forgive & forget'?

It's quite easy to forgive, but how can u forget? issit even possible?
can ur brains actually do that? Can u just erase or switch off any particular memory cells, to forget??
don't get me wrong, I forgive very easily, I don't hold grudges, I'm not in favor of taking avenge. I don't even support capital punishment (uhm, tak relevan nih..). And i believe in giving ample chances, my limit is almost sky high. But I cant make myself forget, unless naturally. Especially if u messed up with my family and friends, those 'sacred' to me. So be it.
it's not holding me back, it doesn't change my way of living, it doesn't affect my judgment, it doesn't do harm onto others, it doesn't contribute to global warming.. So what's wrong in remembering?

no, I don't forgive and forget. I just forgive.

Q2 : how not to be frustrated?

People that feign their affections and actions and even vocabularies, are top on my hate list.
they are those I personally labeled as "manusia manusia terkutuk"(terkutuk bagi aku la, bukan Tuhan, ok? itu wallahualam). esp those lowlife assholes that prefer to get what they want, make it success, sympathies or even friendship; by putting down others, talking trash bout other ppl. They triumph over others misfortunes. 'talk cock'? They LOVE it. Sigh.
It's funny how the person who was the culprit, now claim to be the victim. It's funny how the story got twisted, and the bad person is now suddenly the good one. Admirable, the effort. manusia terkutuk itu tidak jemu2 menyebarkan fitnah, membuat onar ke seluruh pelusuk bumi, eventhou others just couldn't-care-less. dgn drama air matanya.. How convincing!
only a few made the list but still, people like this will keep on coming into your life. In this case, my life. There's nothing much u can do about it, they will never change, it's u who have to change, by not letting it consume u. The truth will prevail, sooner or later. Trust me, it happens.

Another thing that frustrates me even more is when ppl talk without getting their facts straight. Being opinionated is a different thing. Assuming blindly however, without seeing the whole picture or before getting to the bottom of it, is entirely wrong & unfair. And before you know it, relationships got severed by hurtful remarks and responses, out of anger. menggelabah, mudah melatah, pastu baru nak terngadah, memang takde maknenyehhh!!.
A reminder to all (including myself), not to fight angst with anger; to think before we act, as what is done cannot be easily undone, esp harsh words exchanged. Words cut deeper than knife, and the wound is uglier and much more fatal. And longslasting too.

After all that had happened and is happening, I'm grateful to God, to be given such perseverance during hard times, and keeping me 'human'. I'm blessed with such a great support system (family and friends, & SURVIVOR, haha)to help me pull through, couldn't ask for more. I appreciate those who came to me & ask my side of the story, as i'm not the type who'd make a scene out of the smallest thing, the way 'the terkutuks" do. I prey to God that none of this would turn me into a 'monster', as then I would be no better than "the terkutuks". I learned and I came out stronger. And sometimes ignorance is a bliss, as caring too much is not good for me, or anyone else for that matter. Only care for things u feel strongly about (eg : world peace?) and those who matter, fight for ur rights, etc etc.. rather than wasting your precious time on the "terkutuks" .

To not be frustrated, I believe that there are still good in this world, and it's worth fighting for. & I strongly hold on to the desiderata (gabreous philosophy, hehe), and what a wonderful thing it is, just to be alive.

end of questions.

majin buu

Date : February 24.

This is majin buu in the check-ups room, or more likely, the operation room. I was reminded of this when I came upon this comic strip of ZITS, where Jeremy Duncan just got back his guitar from Pierce, and was talking to his mother. It went on pretty much like this;

Jeremy : the whole time Pierce was working on my guitar, I had this sick feelin like it would never end.
Mom : been there.
Jeremy : but then, suddenly, it was over, and I was holding it in my arms..
Mom : oh yeah
Jeremy : and I knew at that moment that I'd never want to let it out of my sight again!
Mom : yep! uh-huh. Exactly! But THEN they go off to kindergarten....
Jeremy: uhm, we're not still talking bout guitars, are we?

Jeremy was talking bout letting go of a possession and getting it back. The mother was talking bout letting go of a child.

It was exactly how I felt, the moment I get to hold majin buu again. No wait, it was when the anesthetic had entirely worn out and he was finally his "gedik" self again.

Have u ever missed a friend's whining after he finally got better? Or of commotions created by your siblings, after you went to college? Or missed having the most annoying friend buggering u all the time, after she had finally decided to leave u alone? I for instance, miss getting myself all tired & dirty, in the heart of Mount Tahan, or any mountains for that matter. It was shitty while it lasted, but to be discussing old times, the experiences shared are all you take when you get older.

Letting go is hard. It's not the person, it's not the possession, it's the memories. We tend to miss those things we were already accustomed too, be it good or bad. But memories, especially past glories, are things that are better left in the past, to be cherished and learned from, not obsessed with. It's hard sometimes, but it happened for a reason. It's not bout forgetting, it;s how u deal with it, grow up and moving on.

uhm, initially I was just trying to say on how much I miss my friends.. sigh

be foolish

"all you kids in mid-20s, they are in my situation, confuse, not sure which direction life's pulling you, you're just trying to find yourself.. I urge us all, please: be hungry, be foolish, block out the noise, find yourselves, be who you potentially are and be true to your dreams and what you truly want to do. If we all maximize that personal freedom, then we'll change the world."
nick stanbury's final words before being voted out of Panama : Exile Island.

he's 25, having only a 2-year-headstart from me. To be sooo young and so wise... (but my fav this season is still aras baskaukas).
SURVIVOR has never failed to inspire me.. ever

I have been complacent with my current state of living - working, hanging out with friends, going out on dates, "kalaokeing", doing absolutely nothing, enjoying the now moment of having zero major responsibilities. I am grateful though, as I had some really great time with a bunch of great ppl. But after days of SURVIVOR marathon + a talk with a good friend, I started to feel "hungry" again. It hit me that I have been drifted quite far from my main course, my dreams & my passions. Human beings can 1)self excite, 2)get used to things and situations, and I did just that, blending very well with the flow. Now I have to remind myself everyday that life's too precious to be thrown away just like that. We have to keep reminding ourselves, coz as human beings, we forget easily. Why, we have already forgotten what it was like to be kids, curious & full of dreams; as we let ourselves be distracted with the ugliness of reality and give up entirely, just to live on, barely.

I wrote in my English 1 class that I have this fear of growing up, of having responsibilities and expecting the unexpected. I love the unpredictable as I do get bored quite easily; I'm just not sure whether I can handle it well, as not all changes are good changes. Like, just when u thought u know what to expect, someone flips the script.
then again, fear of the potential pain can hinder us, but that would also deny us the potential pleasure, joy & happiness

So let's just be foolish, stop thinking too much as our brains do play tricks on us; close all back doors, JUST DO IT, whatever it is that u want to do, before it's too late.

and don't forget to have fun too, as life's indeed, too short to be grumpy all the time.

internship

my first day at work.

street wise, i learned :
1.the right LRT route to empire tower (where the office is), via ampang park.
2.that there's an underground subway to ampang park from ampang park LRT station.
3.not to come to the office before 9am unless u want to wait outside. (i arrived at 8, ok?!!)
4.that cat can be hazardous to pregnant women.

Liew lent me a notebook that end up as my saviour(masa dihabeskan dgn ber YM).
but not before i was given these 2 big, fat, bulky files of detailed informations of the company's current project, which i'm goin to be involved in.
from the metallurgical testing to the capital and operational cost, the copy of the plant blueprint (tetibe berangan nak g buat tatoo cam Michael Scofield), etc.

i'm goin to be part of history, to be building the first malaysian gold mining plant in Malaysia. yezzzaaa Malaysia boleh! marila kita melombong emas!!(sambil menari2 kegembiraan).
& i'll be working with lotsa foreign consultants, mainly from OZ and africa. (if they want to give me any work, so far diorg suruh makan gaji buta)

i now know that ;
1.Leaching is the process of extracting a substance from a solid by dissolving it in a liquid
2.Trailing is a 'waste stream'.
3.Ore is the rock material exterior that covers a much valuable material inside
..... and all about gravity-CIL processing, gravity recovery, electrowinning, retention time, "prog robbng", etc etc (mechanical stuff? ape kaitan? where's the electrical part??!)

(12 noon)
si sengal : erm geraldine, may i go out for a while?
geraldine : u nak pegi mana?
si sengal : erm, jalan2? but erm, wut time shld i be back here?
geraldine : erm, dont come back from 1-2pm, there wont be anyone around. if u wanna come back la..
si sengal : oh i will. tq. bye. (nampak sgt x diperlukan)

lunchtime : KLCC food court
attendees : si sengal. cikut. pie. koteiroo. fiqien.
*note : pie - monorol
total lunch period : 3 hours.. lalala

(5.15pm. packing my stuff, switching off the laptop)
boss : balik balik
si sengal : hehe
boss : cepat2, it seems like its goin to rain
si sengal : er, may i go back now sir?
boss : suuure sure!!
(returning the files, went to see my S.V, met him again at the front door)
si sengal : ok sir, i'll go back first ey
boss : ok babai. u take care aite
si sengal : er, ur not goin back sir?
boss : soon, very soon
si sengal : c u on wednesday then. bye sir!!

betul ke caranye, babai bos. macam aku plak boss, balik awal dari boss