numb

Majin buu is getting married for the first time. Trust me, it wont be his first.

Someone asked me this common question of "What's ur greatest fear in life?"

"Numbness", I blurted out, which caught me by surprise as normally my answer would be just roaches, or losing my loved ones, which is still true but not first on the list.

Numbness strikes when u least expected. It's the day fun is disappearing. It applies to not just frills and thrills, but to every kinda of emotions, like sadness and anger.
Blame it on burnt out or simply the lost of appetite, by getting used to things.
Like a soldier who cried at his first kill but not after his 20th.
Or failing to feel guilty of lying after uve been doing it for so long.
Or worse, not bein hurt by shits ppl do onto u, because uve accepted that u r not worth of love..

My apology to those constantly bombarded with my ravings of wanting to do so many things, having my say on practically everything, and being bold & transparent with my emotions (no worries, I don't do 'this' to stangers, only to those I consider close to me. saya adalah pemalu =D)...
But u know wut, I'm actually grateful to be able to find joy in things others found to be dull..
I'm actually easily bored so I'm always on the lookout of things that'd give me the "tingling sensations"..
Exhibit A : mountain climbing fails to give me the thrill anymore. But I still enjoy it, as though the climbing falls into just another workout process for me, I found the dramas of interactions between fellow climbers, refreshing.
I think that is why some ppl think I can never get bored with anything.

Pls slap me hard on the face or punch me on the chest the day I stop being this hungry person I am rite now, coz at that point I might be dead.
It's ok to feel hurt, to cry, to be angry; as long as u r careful not to allow it to affect ur judgment or consume u entirely.
Still, I'm an optimist of life, but not of myself. I know, I need to change that.

I'm frustrated still, with the stillness of my life. What else can be done than making the best out of it, right?
On the contrary, so much have been happening to those matter to me, even bad things that I bet u don't even wish upon those u hate.
I felt helpless as no matter how much I wanted to help, no matter how many tears I shed for them, it's they who went thru it, and only they can decide, no matter wut others told them to.

I'm positive though, that they would make the best out of it, as my friends are so good at pulling things together when the goin gets tough..
and rakan2ku sayang, I'm still just a phone-call away(email, utk yg jauh di sana), in case of anything... ok?!!

Honestly, I'm glad they cried or showed a bit of emotions, coz if they didn't, I'd be more worried, of having them turning into some kinda or monster; frozen inside.
Plus I believe only after a good cry or pouring all the angst inside, that a person can continue on with life.
And now everyday, I make a point of counting my blessings and be thankful to God of even the smallest things in life, maybe less whining, hehe.. (uhm, aku pun tatau ape kaitan ayat ni dgn ayat sebelum)

"Penyesalan yang kini ada, jadi tak bererti...
dalam waktu yang bengis, terus pergi..

Menangis lah... bila harus menangis..
kerna kita semua manusia.
Manusia bisa terluka, manusia pasti menangis...
dan manusia pun bisa, mengambil hikmah...

Di balik segala duka... tersimpan hikmah, yang bisa kita petik pelajaran
Di balik segala suka.. tersimpan hikmah, yang kan mungkin bisa jadi cobaan.. "

It's an old song of DEWA(19). I don't fancy it but its a good song and it touched me. Its too redundant to my liking but God knows how we all need reminding sometimes.