possession

volleyball & basketball session with team India

wahlauweeyyyyyy, sepurnama lebih tiada coretan di sini, waduh waduh. khas untuk nadea yang dah suruh update, so here goes..

I'm supposed to be going to kuala kangsar at 4am but hey, i'm still here!!

Just thought of sharing, as sharing is caring is sharing, I had such a great Ramadhan & Syawal.

I should have done more religion-wise though (terawikh, tadarus, etc), sigh.

More than anything else, those months of blessings have taught me to be more grateful, of what I already have in life.

Highlights

1) Ramadhan : I burnt a hole in shashu's headgear, after a great berbuka puasa session with three of four Moffatess and partners, the friend in love and the ever composed, matured and somehow assuasive, lawyer friend.

2) Syawal : I get to see and catch up with 40 out of 48 cousins of mine. Enough said.

Back to my nonsensicle ramblings on life (macam bagus, haha).

Can you live without a life partner? Some just can't, especially if you've tasted the beauty of being in love and having someone all to yourself. There's always a price to be paid, to gain such happiness - some might say.

Yes, life without sharing is not a life afterall. Then again, it depends on you yourself, on how you want to share it, or whom you want to share it with.

Another downfall to this life parter thingy is that at certain level of the relationship, we tend to forget that the life partner is indeed, just another unique human being, with mind of its own.

He or she is not a possession that can be molded or instructed as we desire, to cater and bend with our own needs and interests.

She needs the space. He needs the time. We are not entering the couple-dom to become the ultimate twins. Its about loving the differences, and grow, and keeping each other happy.

Cheer up, and count your blessings.

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give". Churchill.

Cheers!!


simply Red - Everybody hurts

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone.
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries

and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong.
Now it’s time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, hold on, hold on.
If you feel like letting go, hold on.
When you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts.

Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts.
Don’t throw your hand. oh, no.
If you feel like you’re alone,
no, no, no, you are not alone.

If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long.
When you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,everybody cries.
Everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes.
So, hold on, hold on.
Everybody hurts. You are not alone.

in-betweens

"saya kenyang"

Picture above is the epitome of normal, post breaking-a-fast condition.

The in-betweens :

You go clubbing, wear sexy clothes, but never missed the 5-times a day prayer.

You wear tudung with short sleeves.

You are metrosexual but love getting all dirty doing adventure racings and mountain climbing.

You wear tudung and you are in a band.

You are having sex before marriage but you don't eat pork.

You are wearing tudung but you love performing on stage.

You aren't fasting, you don't pray, but you got all boiled up by the murtad cases

You are wearing tudung but you smoke.

It's like NESLO, not a MILO, neither a NESCAFE. No wait, it's both MILO and NESCAFE.

Some people look at it as a confusion. I look at it as personal preferences.

Some like only MILO, some prefer the original taste of NESCAFE, no add-ons.

Some look at it as the perfect combination, like, being moderate, wasatiah.

People tend to chastise these in-betweens.

Like they are good, but never good enough.

Contoh mudah : Saya tidak hebat berbahasa Melayu tetapi bahasa Inggeris saya juga tidak sehebat mana, apatah lagi bahasa Arab saya. Jika saya hebat, masih ada yang lebih hebat, seperti juga ada yang lebih teruk. Oleh itu, apakah yang harus saya rasa? Hebat, atau sebaliknya? Selain itu, adakah saya patut dikecam?!

Contoh lebih mudah : Saya solat tak tinggal. Saya baca Quran setiap hari, tetapi saya suka tengok perempuan seksi dan kurang gemar perempuan bertudung. Adakah saya jahat atau baik, jahil atau alim?!

In the end, it's about doing the right thing, is it?!

Right or wrong, who are we to judge. Right or wrong takes a lifetime of learning.

Nevertheless, no matter what you do, how you dressed up, it's the way you treat people that counts the most.

At least to me.

You just can't fake kindness.

Study-wise, this semester is by far the suckiest semester, ever.

Had to sit for exams on freaking Sundays, had the second shittiest lecturer teaching one of the easiest core subjects making it being one of the hardest to score, having exams delayed or cancelled only few minutes before the starting time and to top it all, final exams will be right after the eid mubarak's holiday.

Fuckadoodadeyyy.

Plus, like zerr, I just got ripped off for being a helluve stupid consumer. Unlike her rm10, it's my freaking rm25. PASAR MALAM PULAK TU, BOLEH TAKKKKK!?!!

Nota tambahan:

Kadang-kadang perempuan hanya ingin dipujuk.

Kadang-kadang perempuan hanya ingin diberi bunga.

Kadang-kadang perempuan hanya inginkan perhatian.

Kadang-kadang sahaja tapi, bukan banyak-banyak.

"Rilek ah".

"Lek lek pertama komplek la.. "

(adaptasi daripada filem REMP-IT)

I'm quoting REMP-IT, oh wow!!

Happy fasting, what's left of it.

eudaimonia

my precious

bad habit

seoul

From a forworded email : "How Smart is Your Right Foot?"

See if you can outsmart your foot;

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Lo and behold, your foot will change direction!!

There's nothing you can do about it. It's one of those impossible things normal people can't do.

Like licking your own elbow.
Like not to feel sad when you are like, sad.
Like trying to forget. (you'd just end up remembering more)

We are not emotionless. You are not mister-feel-nothing.
The hard times will come, and we'll just have to keep on moving.

We have potentials. So much spirits and talents.

We could have been so much, my friends. Don't go wasting away.

We are our own wall of security. There's nothing we can't overcome. It's about living, not dying (sambil lagu "live like you were dying" by Tim McGraw berkumandang di corong speaker. Speaker dlm BM ape?!)


"Listen when the news is sent. Extend when the rules are bent"


On a lighter note (heavy sangat ke tadi?!), i'm just so so so so so happy that Lukas Rossi's now the frontman for SUPERNOVA.. yeay!!
Tapi memangla x mampu menandingi the hot-meter of the super-hotter-than-hot scruffy looking Tommy Lee & the ever-classy Gilby Clarke yg sekali pandang seperti zorro bermain gitar.. hot damn!
Sedey sebab SUPERNOVA dah abes. But am happy coz the new season of SURVIVOR is back!! yebedabedoo!!! look out for candice & ozzy.. my early favorites!!

I'm hungry, i have to study. Oh wow. It rhymes. Try satu lagi...
There's no doubt about it, i want to quit my bad habit.
Not badddddd ey?!! hahaha!!! Tapi kalau fikir mmg susah, normally it comes naturally.

Same difference with love.. eiceh

*Note: eiceh is a word inspired by Dato' T. bahlul by cik pari-pari. kenala kasi credit kan kan kan ;p, walaupun tiada penggunaan bahlul dalam entry ini. entry dalam BM ape?


Fakedodadey y'all!!!

muffin buu

"Comelnye!!!!!!", kata k'waney.

"Macam ewoks!!", kata cikut.

"Muka cam majin buu, kaler cam ayu", kata sumerng.

"Namakan muffin pls.. ", kata azera

" Megat..!! ", kata mereka

.. just to qoute a few. Haven't seen in person any of those three 'kids' yet.
One of the 'boys' would be taken under the custody of majin buu (already named as muffin by his godmother azera) & the rest would continue to stay with ayu.

muffin buu bin majin buu .. sooo sweet, :p.



I have to take this quiz or i'd die painfully(kena sumpah dgn fozz).
but i think i already did it, so copy & paste je, boleh?! hehe

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
nana. nanayau. syazana (ade org panggil syazana ok, tak tipu)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
shearer. nanashahir. nanayau.

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
that i have the cutest creature as my pet, that i LOVE THE MOST.
that i am analytical (sometimes to the point of being annoying).
boleh tahan makanan pedas melampau, hehe

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
few extra baggages.
the way i wear my tudung.
i can be too sensitive/sentimental/softhearted

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
pattani, mother's side.
chinese, abah's side
arab, mother's side.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU (or mostly creep you out):
roaches. air yg dalam. gelap. (i sleep with my lights on, lalala)

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
enough sleep (or more than enough).
eye gel ( panda eyes no more babe!).
tv& food.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
orange nike dri-fit. ESPRIT pants. red SWATCH watch.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists at the moment):
switchfoot. coldplay. marty casey.

richard ashcroft & anuar zain.. =D

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
wish you were here - pink floyd.
all for one, all for love - bryan adams, rod stewart, sting.
starman - david bowie..

old songs, i know!!!

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
volunteer for PARALYMPIC GAMES. (teringat main kerusi kat lib).
egypt/china/amsterdam/mabul/phnom penh.
dapat 4 flat sekali ke.. mampukahh?

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love included in the package):
trust. honesty. wisdom(releven tak?!)

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
i cut my hair myself. i hate doggies. i think tommy lee's super HOT.

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
1. the rest of u moffattess (cukupla 3 kan kan kan?)
2. azera & shashuk!!
3. pari-pari, cik kiah & dato T!! (either one pun jadi laaa)
4. siban & dilot, kwaney, nonoysss

".. like tomorrow was a gift, and you got eternity to think about what would you do with it.."

(photos courtesy of ayu.. thank you so much!!)

newborn

Like father like son

immoderately

Hello.

Have u guys watched the movie REMP-IT?! I did, out of curiosity. Support industri filem kita la konon.

It was revolting..

Meaning, the movie was a success, as I left the cinema with disgust. I was appalled by the lifestyle of rempits potrayed in the movie, they sure did more than just lumba haram!! I know it was kind of obvious but I thought it was just a misconception.. I thought wrong.. And if that's the thing, somebody should do something about it don't you think so?

Heck that's Malaysia to you. You can either love it or leave it. Bak kata siban, we have so much to be grateful for.

Sometimes it's not good for one person to know or care too much of too many things.
When we think, we worry. Worrying leads to frustration, especially when it's beyond our power to control or do anything about it.

Upholding a country is not a man's job. It needs the efforts of its countrymen.
We have great minds leading this great country of ours but at the grassroots levels, most of the leaders are still tactless. Avaricious, with insatiable greediness and immoderately desirous of wealth or gain, forgetting the real reason they were there in the first place, which is to help and lead their people to glory.

The complexity, beauty and compassion of faith at its infancy is often shrouded in fear, manipulation and corruption once it becomes an institution, name it religion, politics.. Even marriage.

Sebab tu hak rakyat boleh tergadai.
Sebab tu syarikat korporat kerajaan banyak yg muflis. eiceh.

That's why the poor is getting poorer and the rich is getting richer.

& that is also why the Lebanese are still under attacked..
1)Because even the PBB listens to Israel.
Can't really blame those on the other side of the world to think unpropitiously of Islam.
Try listening to those 'American Gods' which is the media. Listen to what the CNN or the WorldNews have been feeding them with, and you'd know how and why they've become so misguided and misinformed as they are now.

2)Because the Muslims too are still pretty much divided up. Although sharing the same sacred history, the sunni shi'ism, sufism, each has developed its own theology and law, its own community of faith. At some point we tend to forget what Islam is really about.

"Religion is a story of faith"

We should always go back to basic, sticking to its most fundamental essence. The basic principals of the faith.
because that, and what's inside are those that really counts.
In believing in one God and love your neighbors. In being the voice and representative of, and leading the people and the country. In keeping our loved ones happy.

Do it for the sake of humanity. For the sake of HUMANITY.

Ini mungkin kedengaran seperti entry yg tidak berapa ikhlas - tiru toman.. fakedodadey.
I'm tired. The workload is finally taking its toll on me. Tapi ada pulak masa nak berfoya2 setiap malam, hehe

Life has its own mood. We should just be in tune with it and i'Allah, everything would turn out great. The hard times and hindrances, those this too shall pass. I don't know what else to say to make you feel better...


Selamat pengantin baru kepada apai & zety!!!


Power to the people y'all.

my constant

toman si atuk

spoiler : Dilot's getting engaged

my two weeks

For more than a week i had a taste of how it'd be like, of not having this one special "constant" with me, the "constant" that has always been a major part of my life for more than two years.

Truthfully i am enjoying the freedom but the void had made me realised how much i love & really care for the "constant". For the companionship. For time spent. For everything.

At first i thought it was because i'm just used of having the constant around.. that i dont really care..

But i was wrong.

I miss my "constant" terribly.

Happy engagement to SIBAN & DILOT!!!

The lecturer is forcing us to sit for the midterm paper this sunday. Examination, on a freaking SUNDAY.. it's inhuman!!!!

There goes my weekends. No paintball. No dates. No shopping. Fuckaduda-dey

Have a nice weekends people.

spotless

Spotless minds

Out of all the feelings humanity possesses, love is the greatest gift of all.

But still, more & more people are suffering from & because of it.
Is suffering is about love?!

Love & suffering.

How can such a wonderful thing as LOVE leads to something as ugly as SUFFERING!?!

Is it truly because nothing in life comes free, that there'd always be a price to pay, especially for something as precious as LOVE itself.. ?! That maybe if it IS free, it wont be that much appreciated and invaluable...?!!

Let's just face it and get it over with?! Beyond the horizon, true happiness awaits.
Have faith people..


"Love is heaven and hell. Together as one"

hesitancy

Cik kiah & Pari-pari

"Until there is commitment, there's always hesitancy".

It's true, we must commit, to get things done effectively, in getting the best end result.
Commit, by closing all back doors so that there'd be no chance to draw back.
But the reasons must be big enough for someone to commit, especially to something as serious as career, or relationship. The question is still, once the die has been cast, whether or not you should go all out, giving it your whole heart. Or rather let in a little bit of pessimism, incase of "emergency", preparing for the worst to come?

Many chose to stay careful and have plenty of back up plans, especially while treading along the fine line between logic and emotion. More often than not, when feelings get involved, things would get out of control. You cant control how you feel, you cant control what your brains are making u think of. Only your reactions and responses that are controllable.. That's why people are afraid, of those things that aren't controllable.

I know that in life there's no guarantee to a happy ending. But I have faith.
Play hard, work hard, love hard (of course with plenty of rests in between), putting passion in everything u do, living the life of no regrets; those are my mindset on how I should live my life.
Planning is essential to, as just guidelines, not to be followed blindly and rigidly.

And I said this to an 18-year-old lad, that the most important thing is to stay true to oneself. So that if the relationship doesn't work out as u had imagined it would, or the dream job is actually shitty as hell, u still have your values and self worth intact. You may be broken beyond repair but still have this positive outlook on life, having the ability to move, to dream, and still loving life and its wonderful elements.



I am still half burnt half tanned. How can u get an even tan without stripping all your clothes off?!! berbelang2 bak kuda belang Africa, sigh.

solitude

Moments of solitude

"Well, you didn't wake up this morning
'Cause you didn't go to bed..
You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red.

The calendar on your wall is ticking the days off.
You've been reading some old letters,
& you smile and think how much you've changed.
All the money in the world,
Couldn't buy back those days.

You pull back the curtains, and the sun burns into your eyes.
You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky.

& you thought :
This is the day, your life will surely change.
This is the day, when things fall into place.

You could've done anything if you'd wanted,
and all your friends and family think that you're lucky.
But the side of you they'll never see,
is when you're left alone with the memories & frustrations,
That hold your life together like glue.."


Need to get away, right away, far away.
Rawa, here i come.. !!!

she-male

A tribute to "ayu", the she-male cat

They love, they share.
Love, love, love!!
Share, share, share!!

He's a limber lad.
She's a powerful lass.
He'll wring your neck,
and she'll kick your ass.

& they'll fill your hearts with looooooooove.... !!!

(courtesy of THE SIMPSONS)

Tagged by si lalok - 8 points of my perfect lover :

1) He smells nice - bad ordour is a MAJOR turn off
2) He loves me - endlessly. & for who i am (cliche)
3) He's charming - at least towards me. Polite & soft spoken. Oh great voice is a bonus
4) He's scruffy looking - i like my man messy, but not filthy
5) He's flexible - gracefully embracing the challenges & changes thrust upon him
6) He's knowleagable - for daily dose of verbal & intellectual sparring
7) He's optimistic - negativity's tiring, it weights me down
8) He's content - for stability and security, and keeping my sanity intact

That's all i could think of at this very moment, those points might change on monthly basis. Maybe even by tomorrow. Feel free to to be tagged ya, everyone, anyone. Just help urself. Don't forget to share it with me.

Then again, there's no such thing as a perfect lover, just the right one that suits you just right..

livewire

"u r a livewire with family and friends but shy with strangers"

I'm still recuperating from Spain's lost. Followed by Sweden and Ukraine. Leaving me with my 4th option, those French. Oh well. ROCKSTAR is back.. yezzaaaaa!!! Supernova, with super-hot-scruffy-looking Tommy lee.. (ok sumerg boleh muntah skrang)

No man is an island. No man should be an island. But in the end, everyone is to his own island..
Which I find very hard to deal with till this very moment...
We need friends. Friends need us. We love one another. We are just too cynical to be half honest about it, especially to those who really matter..

We treat the public in general with the utmost courtesy but keep hurting the ones we loved. WHY?!!!!!!!
They are often left dangling & hanging, longing for a simple appreciative evidence of tender, loving & care. Simply put, we take them for granted, that they'd always be there when u need them. That they'd never leave. That they don't need to be told of how much you care. Until one day, they are gone & it's too late.
Most of the time they don't expect you to. But still, "thank you"s or "I love u"s can never be too late nor too much. And nothing beats the feeling that you've brighten up someone else's day

Its funny how we joked about our most beloved, referring to ur closest galfrens as your bitches, calling them bastards and what not, and everyone is genuinely OK with it. But we get pissed off & went all defensive when others started to bitch about them. Like us Malaysians, we trash our own country in action & speeches, of its infamous public toilets & what not, but get all patriotic at those negative remarks made by mere outsiders.
It's weird. Good weird. But still weird.

Embarking on this journey called life, I strive to give unconditionally, be content, but not complacent. Nevertheless, there's still something missing, creating imaginary holes, tricking u into thinking with all those extra few pounds of body mass, u r still empty inside. How much further inside, depends on those layers of fat, the thickness, the shapes & sizes.
To make matter worse, I don't even know what's really lacking. Or leaking. Or both. Or neither.
I thought at the age of 23 I could master the skills of handling world-ly affairs. Of taking care of myself. Or at least, the right path to my own enlightenment, physically & spiritually. Guess I am still enroute, maybe it's not that far away anymore.

But right now, I just don't care. I don't feel like doing anything. Except for wanting to fled to Calcutta & stay there for a year at least, doing hospice work.

heaven bound

" Seasons come and seasons go.. One day sun, the next day snow. Flowers die and flowers grow,
But love is never-ending..

You can't kill it with goodbye.. It always finds a place to hide.. Inside your heart for your whole life..


Love is never-ending



When the lights have all gone down..
it'll still be hanging around..
Even when u think it's lost, it can still be found...

When every memory has been made..
And the pages start to fade.
When you think the ride is over..
You're back at the beginning..
Love is never-ending

It keeps goin' on and on..
Long after we're all gone away

Time may change what you believe
But one day the truth will set you free
Just have faith and you will see
Love is never-ending..."

brotherly

"When u find urself.. in some far off place.
And it calls u.. to rethink some things.

You start to sense
& slowly you're becoming someone else
& then you find yourself

& things that would've been lost on you..
are now is clear as it bears
& u find urself.
that's when u find ursef

And you go through life.. so sure of where you're heading.
& u wandered lost.. & its the best thing that could've happened to you.
cause sometimes when you lose your way, it's really just as well.

Because then you find urself..
that's when you find urself"
"Find Yourself" by my favorite country singer, Brad Pasley. OST of CARS.

Of many many foreseeable things my brother like best to have for the eve of his birthday this year was to watch the latest Pixar's movie CARS. So at the strike of midnight, there goes the 7 of us in the pajero, disastrous combination of 5 young adults, 1 underage and 1 not-so-young adult (he already has 4 kids ok), zooming across the neighborhood to catch the 12.45 show. We rammed onto dividers for the sake of driving a FWD, to watch by far the most enjoyable & colorful animated movie of characters from a hillbilly hell of a town.
CARS is a must see. Already second in my favorite list. Not 'classic', but definitely well made.

The next thing was to find a place to eat. It was an arduous task trying to agree on one as there were 7 semi-functioning heads(it was already 3.15 in the morning) with 7 different tastes.
We opted to try out the new 'uptown' in Kota Damansara as only one of us has actually been there.

The road enroute was less inviting, civilization is pretty much under construction. No wonder new 'uptown's sprang so many elsewhere (Subang, Setapak, Cheras; to name a few) as the one they've secluded for is in the middle of nowhere, not very good managerial business decision I must say.
Hence the food is okay. Spacious open-air stalls, just the way we like it aka less stuffy. Suprisingly clean too. But it is 3am on a Friday, a weekday. Most of shops were already closed or closing. Maybe it fills up more during the weekends. Maybe even dirtier.

The atmosphere is an entirely different story. Provided that it's school holidays, children were eveywhere, helping out at the stalls. The area is actually some sort of a multi-purpose hall with court lines, badminton nets, a stage - free karaoke session was held on that stage. There was even a house DJ.
While munching away we can't help but noticing the tranquility and complacency of the place. Teenagers playing takraw on one the courts, children playing badminton, mothers gossiping.. There was a sight of a pakcik reading a newspaper while sipping away a cup of coffee..
Despite the blaring music from the karaoke session which gratefully sounded quite good, everyone seemed to be having sucha a great time. Everyone seems to know everyone else. Laughters filled the air. Macam suasana petang2 di kawasan perumahan. I looked at my watch. It was nearly 0500 hour. They must be living in a different time zone I guess.

Well, even in this middle of nowhere there were the existence of rempits on road. It has always existed and will never be totally eradicated, even widespread-ing.

I love my brothers. For worldcup, GO ESPANA~!!!

rock

idahman. me. & billie. love u. still do.

I was just thinking how weird it is to feel lonely while literally u are being surrounded by millions of generally nice people everyday, potential friends and family. Prospects lovers even. Why do we still feel lonely?

I remember still...
They were my brotherhood(sisterhood), that had been my rock. The rock that had kept me going, kept me grounded. I was solid and invincible by even the thought of having them as mine.
And suddenly, the betrayal. More than once. I cant help but felt disappointed, which in my case, is much worse than angry.
And again, when this happens, I withdrew back into my shell. Being "the floater" I used to be.

And that's why people feel lonely sometimes. Either they had just lost their rock, or they still haven't found one.

nevertheless

Symptoms leading to an attempt;

1. extreme personality change
2. lost of interest in activities that used to be joyable.
3. significant loss or gain of appetite
4. sleep problems.
5. FATIGUE/LOSS OF ENERGY
6. FEELING WORTHLESSNESS OR GUILT
7. WITHDRAWAL FROM FAMILY/FRENS
8. neglect of personal hygiens
9. sadness, irritability or indifference.
10. having trouble concentrating
11. extreme anxiety
12. drug or alcohol abuse.
13. aggressive behavior
14. poor school performance(not caused by laziness)
15. HALLUCINATIONS OR UNUSUAL BELIEF

I got 11 out of 15.. Should I worry?
Analyzation of a case study that led to an analyzation of oneself. Extreme analyst, causing irrirations, sometimes projecting imaginary nonsensical theories which might qualify as 'behavioral science', given enough organized and systematic proof with statistics and stuff.
oh mestilah malas.

So nway, those are 15 suicidal symptoms. Then again, it's too common nowadays to feel depressed. It's not manic, which if it is, u should get professional help a.s.a.p.
Btw feeling suicidal IS a phase. Once u feel suicidal, its not like u are goin to feel that way for the rest of ur life, provided than u haven't killed urself now.

"Those suffering from depression do not openly discuss it for fear of being judged. Instead they try to drop clues as they are trying to communicate their intent"

I do know how they feel, they, "the depressed". Feeling isolated with no one to talk to.
Hey, don't read with a sad tone, this may be one helluva disturbing topic but I am actually in an elated state while doing this entry. I cant even hit myself hard enough to feel the pain, let alone knifed myself to death. Nauzubillah.
Nevertheless, people are still doing it. Most of the times, others missed the hints.
I think that no matter how sad or angry u are, u should THINK hard before u act, or say or do anything.
Or try the simple trick of curbing aggressiveness or anger, and even gluttonous; by counting from 1-10 before u cast the final spell.

To the rest of us, let's try loving each other, before judging. In the end, being alive is still better than being dead. When u died, there's really nothing u can do about anything

sekian.

numb

Majin buu is getting married for the first time. Trust me, it wont be his first.

Someone asked me this common question of "What's ur greatest fear in life?"

"Numbness", I blurted out, which caught me by surprise as normally my answer would be just roaches, or losing my loved ones, which is still true but not first on the list.

Numbness strikes when u least expected. It's the day fun is disappearing. It applies to not just frills and thrills, but to every kinda of emotions, like sadness and anger.
Blame it on burnt out or simply the lost of appetite, by getting used to things.
Like a soldier who cried at his first kill but not after his 20th.
Or failing to feel guilty of lying after uve been doing it for so long.
Or worse, not bein hurt by shits ppl do onto u, because uve accepted that u r not worth of love..

My apology to those constantly bombarded with my ravings of wanting to do so many things, having my say on practically everything, and being bold & transparent with my emotions (no worries, I don't do 'this' to stangers, only to those I consider close to me. saya adalah pemalu =D)...
But u know wut, I'm actually grateful to be able to find joy in things others found to be dull..
I'm actually easily bored so I'm always on the lookout of things that'd give me the "tingling sensations"..
Exhibit A : mountain climbing fails to give me the thrill anymore. But I still enjoy it, as though the climbing falls into just another workout process for me, I found the dramas of interactions between fellow climbers, refreshing.
I think that is why some ppl think I can never get bored with anything.

Pls slap me hard on the face or punch me on the chest the day I stop being this hungry person I am rite now, coz at that point I might be dead.
It's ok to feel hurt, to cry, to be angry; as long as u r careful not to allow it to affect ur judgment or consume u entirely.
Still, I'm an optimist of life, but not of myself. I know, I need to change that.

I'm frustrated still, with the stillness of my life. What else can be done than making the best out of it, right?
On the contrary, so much have been happening to those matter to me, even bad things that I bet u don't even wish upon those u hate.
I felt helpless as no matter how much I wanted to help, no matter how many tears I shed for them, it's they who went thru it, and only they can decide, no matter wut others told them to.

I'm positive though, that they would make the best out of it, as my friends are so good at pulling things together when the goin gets tough..
and rakan2ku sayang, I'm still just a phone-call away(email, utk yg jauh di sana), in case of anything... ok?!!

Honestly, I'm glad they cried or showed a bit of emotions, coz if they didn't, I'd be more worried, of having them turning into some kinda or monster; frozen inside.
Plus I believe only after a good cry or pouring all the angst inside, that a person can continue on with life.
And now everyday, I make a point of counting my blessings and be thankful to God of even the smallest things in life, maybe less whining, hehe.. (uhm, aku pun tatau ape kaitan ayat ni dgn ayat sebelum)

"Penyesalan yang kini ada, jadi tak bererti...
dalam waktu yang bengis, terus pergi..

Menangis lah... bila harus menangis..
kerna kita semua manusia.
Manusia bisa terluka, manusia pasti menangis...
dan manusia pun bisa, mengambil hikmah...

Di balik segala duka... tersimpan hikmah, yang bisa kita petik pelajaran
Di balik segala suka.. tersimpan hikmah, yang kan mungkin bisa jadi cobaan.. "

It's an old song of DEWA(19). I don't fancy it but its a good song and it touched me. Its too redundant to my liking but God knows how we all need reminding sometimes.

icky-est

It's the job-hunting season again, since most of us are graduating. Here's 10 worst jobs in science, but why not, it pays well

10 most ickiest job in the world

10. Orangutan-Pee Collector : Their work is noninvasive —for the apes, that is . . .
9. NASA Ballerina : Her dance partner is a supersensitive Robot
8. Do-Gooder : Bugs, bears, and a melting earth, you call this a vacation?
7. Semen Washer : It's a job that separates the boys from the men
6. Volcanologist : When the earth heats up, they head in
5.Nuclear-Weapons Scientist : They've mastered fusion. Next up: Filing
4. Extremophile Excavator : Never has success smelled less sweet
3. Kansas Biology Teacher : On the front lines of science's devolution
2. Manure Inspector : The smell is just the start of the nastiness
1. Human Lab Rat : Warning: Pesticides are bad for you

Further details can be found at Popular Science
Most of the jobs sound fine to me. At least not boring.

"Most right-brained people like you are flexible in many realms of their lives. Whether picking up on the nuances of musical concerto, appreciating the subtle details in a work of art, or seeing the world from a different perspective, right-brained people are creative, imaginative, and attuned to their surroundings.

People probably see your thinking process as boundless, and that might translate to your physical surroundings as well. Some people think of you as messier than others. It's not that you're disorganised, it's just that you might use different systems to organise (by theme, by subject, by colour). Straight alphabetisation and rigidly ordered folders are not typical of right-brained behaviour."

I took several of this kinda tests before, from school counselors to internet, and the results are always the same.. Can engineers be right-brained-ed.. ? hmm..


p/s : The mothers of two of my friends had just passed away, due to cancer. Al Fatihah..

roda

Telstra stadium. Sydney.

Waking up to the smell of sambal nasi lemak with excessive belacan and onions (or garlic), added with armpit smell ("bau ket") of various type of armpits, in an overcrowded air-conditioned LRT.
how's that sound? menarek bukan?!
Atuk2 selalu ckp bangun pagi gosok gigi hirup udara segar, awet muda, hati riang, jiwa sehat, otak cerdas.
So far in doing so had caused me headaches that led to some vomiting in the office. Yes, right in the middle of the room. Sigh. maafkan saya makcik cleaner, apekan daya, saye tak tahan.
Pls, lets not take smelly as in strongly-smelled things into crowded public places, as if it isn't stuffy and appalling enough already.

Org melayu selalu cakap "hidup umpama roda, kejap atas kejap bawah"
So here, the ups and downs - re cap:
Pahang had finally beaten perlis for the FA cup (kambing punya ref, naseb baik mng)
Arsenal lost to barca. (ni pun ref sgt kambing)
BJ & Tyler won The Amazing Race 9.
Elliot Yamin got voted out.
Aras baskaukas was named the sole survivor of Survivor Panama : Exile Island.

I know their winnings had got nothing to do with me. But still, watching the team or person I'm rooting for lost nearly 97% of the time (it hurts, ok!), the victory tasted too sweet to be ignored.
I'm actually sad that Survivor has ended, can't wait for the 13th season, Survivor Cook Island.
Heck I'm a sucker for reality shows esp by mark Burnett (tapi myteam pun layan jugak.)
It might surprise u that there are quite a lot to be learned from watching and listening even to what u perceived as the lamest story uve heard, or the worst TV show uve ever watched; as long as u keep searching, and look beyond the 'visible panty lines' as in those turn-offs, and find humor in things u do.. (uhm?!)

"Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. "

the desiderata

I hate mundane entries. I hate my mundane current state of living.